Tuning In - News From The Standing Woman

For Women navigating change...

...while remembering what really matters.

Hi my friends... it's been a while!! I have so much to tell you.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year I kicked into Fix-it over-drive. I jumped right to trying to find all the latest info, details, treatments, and even natural healing modalities to ‘cure me’.

I was looking for the FIX. I was so very hyper-focused on getting past this!

It quickly became my intense focus, as I waited a few months to have the surgery to remove the tumor. The research became very important. Looking outside of myself for the cure, the solution and the fix! I stayed up late reading every book that got recommended to me. I was sending emails to researchers at major universities, looking for answers.

I didn’t give myself time to think much about it - I had Cancer! I don’t know if I gave myself a chance to really think on that one. I was determined to get over it!

I tweaked my diet, and felt great after surgery. The next steps to treatment scared the shit out of me. I was really terrified! Chemo? Radiation? The decision was paralyzing.

I spent so much time asking everyone what I should do, that I hardly sat with it, and checked in with my heart! I was trying to be a compliant patient, and get my needs met, and LIVE so I’d be here for my family!

Hearing the diagnosis was overwhelming. Hearing about the possible treatment plan after surgery was terrifying! I knew I passionately did not want one of the treatments they were suggesting.

I've been so busy taking care of everything that I haven't heard myself in a very long time. When I realized I was functioning from these places - I had to STOP and be still. Because answers weren't coming easily. Exhaustion, caregiving, overthinking, decision fatigue, people pleasing, being everyone's support person.

The Pause...

I remember when I paused - and asked myself ‘What do I think is best for me?’

The emotions were loud for such a big decision. I had to give voice to them. I journaled, I prayed, I acknowledged all the feelings.

I walked every morning. I remember stopping and sitting by the water, needing to decide what I wanted to do. Afraid, yet willing to hear what one last Doctor would share later that day.

I ignored the little whisper in the back of my mind, because I was busy trying to fix it!

The whisper of a voice that said

• Stop trying to fix it,
• You can’t solve this ‘problem’
• You can’t make this all go away.
• Be still!

I was ready to not listen to what my heart told me to do!!

Feeling incredible pressure to do what I was told to do!

After a very honest conversation with my oncologist - expressing my deepest desires - I had the window I needed. The chance to make the final call on my decision!

I knew in my heart - what my choice was! And was willing to live with whatever the consequences will be. I went forward feeling as confident as I could - because I decided from my heart - not because of pressure from outside of myself!

As soon as I stated my choice - I felt such relief!

What became clear is that- Relief comes when I choose from my heart!

I lost myself over the years, one small compromise at a time.

This time the consequences were so big! And possibly so final. I felt huge relief when I chose to do what my heart really wanted to do. That made going through my next steps of the treatment plan, difficult as they might become, as easy as possible... with no added burden of it being forced on me.

What happens if you notice one moment this week where you override your own needs. No fixing, or changing - just noticing- for now.

What if you notice saying yes - when you really want to say no! Helping someone else instead of nurturing yourself.

No need to beat yourself up, or feel bad about it. Just the noticing makes a difference.

How have you stopped listening to the whisper your heart is trying to share with you?

Many Blessings,

Gina